Loveline
Remember that show? It used to be Adam Carolla and Dr. Drew Pinsky and they had a radio gig in California forever, and then they took it to the visual airwaves courtesy of MTV.
Anyway, Adam is no longer a part of the show, but Dr. Drew still does it on the radio with different guest co-hosts every night. The guests are generally pretty useless, and Dr. Drew has changed from when he was teamed with Adam. I guess Adam used to be the tough guy who called bullshit on the people that phoned in who were fakes. Dr. Drew was helpful and nurturing. Without Adam, Dr. Drew has to be more of a badass, he's become almost too cynical.
So they play this on the radio, conveniently, on a station that my car picks up for my full hour drive home after rehearsals every night. I admit it, I've been tuning in regularly.
I thought about calling last night. Scratch that, I DID call three times, but I got a busy signal. Although I had my call dialog all worked out, I kept trying to think of a good fake name to use. I was going to use Taylor (the name of a drag queen friend of mine, and also was close to being my name, but then my mom's friend named her daughter that before I was born) but the co-host's name was Taylor (he was a dude). Regardless, I never quite made it on the air...
Wanna hear what I was going to ask Drew? This is very personal, but also true. These are my fears: I've been out of my last relationship for 3.5 years now. In that time, I have dated TONS of guys. Probably over 100 (most of those were only first dates). I want to get married and have kids, and there is a time limit on that. Is there something wrong with me? Am I the reason that I'm not finding romance, compatibility and commitment from any of these guys I date? Did my last relationship (and the shitty way it ended) mess me up more than I thought? Am I subconsciously PURPOSELY failing at dating and finding a nice new boyfriend? Will it ever happen for me, or am I sabotaging myself (and therefore I'm the reason that it's not happening)?
posted by Phaedra @ 1:09 PM
5 Comments:
I'm not a regular watcher of Dr. Phil, but I thought about you the other day when I was watching his show about dating (I was home, it was on...). There was this woman, I can't remember how old she was, let's say 40, and she kept being very point-blank about how she approached men. She'd ask them how old they are, she'd tell them she had kids, and when a man asked her what she looks for in a guy, she listed off things like "I don't want him to be an x-con, I don't want him to be a drug addict, I don't want him to be a dead-beat dad..." Wooo! Talk about being negative.
Ok, I'm not trying to imply that you are doing any of these things, but it did make me think if sometimes we subconsciously say things or do things that scare people off. I've recently discovered that I have a hard time looking people in the eye, and I think this is a relatively new thing for me. I think it's a combination of recent rather deep blows to my self-confidence and slowly blurring eyesight. Anyway, I've been trying to correct that, because when I think about talking to someone and having them avoid looking at my eyes, it feels dishonest.
You seem like you'd be a perfect date (were I interested in dating females and single). Is it possible they think you're too good to be true? Does anyone ever give you any feedback as to why they're not interested? Probably not... the world doesn't seem to work that way, we never get feedback when we need it.
One thing I did get from Dr. Phil that I think I know already is that asking questions is the best way to find out what you want. More like asking indirect questions. Do you come right out and mention your age and your immediate future plans? Maybe there are ways to be more subtle about it and still find out if he might feel the same as you. That much said, it would suck to become involved with someone who doesn't want the same things as you because you were too vague about it to begin with. I dunno. You know far more than I do about dating.
Oh, and don't talk about your x or previous failed dates with other people. I can't believe anyone would do that, but they were doing it on Dr. Phil.
Enough! I think I win for longest comment.
I would never talk about my ex on a first date, that was 3.5 years ago you know!
It's possible that I'm a little overwhelming to some guys, but I'm NOT going to dumb myself down for anyone either. I'm me just the way I am, and hopefully I can meet someone some day (soon) who can hadle that!
I figured you were too smart to be like those ladies. Sometimes watching that show makes me want to slap my forehead. Duh!
maybe you've already met someone, and don't know it?
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