I Just Love the Foreigners!

I admit it, I root for the underdog, the little guy, and there is just something about the foreigners. Tonight I met a guy, Alberto, from Spain. I instantly felt a connection to him. He was sooooooo adorable, I could eat him up with a spoon. Maybe it's because I've always felt a little different from the rest of the sheep, er Americans. I don't know.

When I was younger I always had friends from other countries, I've dated a couple guys from other continents too. Something about those foreigners drives me crazy! In a good way... They're my people.

One of my friends has a daughter who just married a French guy. He was here a few years ago working on a degree at the university and someone introduced the two of them. She was too young for him, seriously I should have been the one he met, fell in love with and married. The reason I'm still single is because those young girls are stealin' the men!

Maybe I should just figure out how to move to France and be done with it. There has to be some huge companies there, businesses, that would love to have a bilingual whose native language is English, right? And I can meet some wonderful Frenchmen, and we can discuss world politics together, and pray for the United States to get it's shit together and have a big revolution and regain actual democratic control. We can eat cheese, and vacation in Cassis.... The big question is, can my dog come to France too?

So Sleepy (zzzzzzzzzz)

I don't know why I'm so tired that I'm falling out of my chair (ouch!) but I can barely keep my eyes open.

I have dinner plans at 8:00 tonight, and I'm wondering if there might be time to squeeze in a nap before the social hour begins.

I blame the rain and gloom outside on my beyond-sleepy nature. Perhaps some coffee or tea would be a handy pick-me-up.

As always, I have a million projects to work on AND two jobs to apply for (due today at 4:30). *sigh*

Some Serious Jargon

A co-worker received this e-mail from someone he had never met before. It boggles my mind how people can consider something like this a "professional communication." It's crap, and it actually (although wordy) says NOTHING.

"Alfred,

I was not able to locate specific information for the Executive in the Rates and Reimbursement department. They also might be referred to as the Deputy Director Finance & Administration. Please advise. Thank you.

Michele"

I hope I never accidentally send junk like this to anyone! Is she looking for data? A person? Contact information? Where was she looking that she couldn't locate info? What the hell does "please advise" mean? (to me it means: I'm thinking about a couple of different colors that I could use to paint my family room, beige, baby blue, or eggshell, please advise.)

That's why it's helpful to re-read what you wrote before hitting send. E-mail can be convenient, but it can also suck.

How Do These Things Happen?

Do you ever see someone who is right in the middle of embarrassing themselves? I saw this poor little girl (12 maybe?) with her skirt tucked in to her panties (with her ass flapping in the breeze) and the gaggle of other girls (her friends mind you) around her were laughing, but not telling her.

I was on a date not too long ago and noticed the guy's fly was down. I had to say something, but that was embarrassing for me too! I'm just observant, it's not like I stare at the man parts or anything!

I went to lunch last week with a big group from work. After we ate I went to the ladies room. The floor was so sticky, I thought to myself, "Did someone spill orange juice in here or what?" I never thought that the sticky floor would be my enemy after I left the ladies room.

So I walked out and through the WHOLE restaurant, smiled at a table of 4 cute guys (I was workin' it) and then when I got back to my table like 3 people all told me at the same time, "Er, um, you have something on your shoe." Sure enough, a 2 foot long trail of toilet paper
was stuck to the bottom of my shoe. I WAS HITTING ON GUYS WITH FREAKING T.P. ON MY SHOE! So embarrassing!

Did Someone Say "Bar Band?"

I really don't go to tavern-type bars very often. But tonight there was a band I've been waiting to see for about 8 years at a bar that's not too far away so we went.

On the ride to the bar, MK and I talked about the possibility of meeting men. Always good to have options....

First of all, MK and I walked in and went to the bar to get drinks. I ALWAYS say that soda/pop for the driver should be free in places like this. And amazingly, it was. The band was already playing and this guy at the bar (where we were ordering drinks) was TOTALLY evil-eyeing us for getting in his line of sight. Dude, it's a band, listening is more important than seeing every second of the show. Relax, dude!

Some SUPER drunk blonde chic asks me (in German) if I speak German. I say no. But drunk chic can't leave me alone. She slurs more incomprehensible babble at me. I smile and say, "There's a guy named Biff in this band." She slurs, "Which one?" And I reply, "I don't know. One of 'em." She laughs and hugs me (?) and then starts demanding I answer some other question yes or no. YES OR NO?!?!? I tell her "I just don't know" and grab MK and get the hell away from her.

Then we went over to a less populated section of the bar (by the free popcorn machine) but there wasn't much happening over there. It sort of turned out to be the "smoking section" as all the bartenders kept coming by us to smoke (our city banned smoking in bars, but this was JUST outside our city in some other small town). In a bit, almost right in front of the stage, a group of 3 left their seats at the bar. We grabbed our coats and immediately scooped up those seats.

The band was everything that I had hoped it would be. An excellent mix of instruments, and seriously good (and well trained) musicians. MK and I continued to try to guess which of the 5 guys on stage was Biff.

At the break, musicians were wandering everywhere. I made eye contact with a guy wearing a fez hat (shriner hat?) and I tell him (with my eyes) to come and talk to me. He is about to comply when some other dude starts talking to him. Finally, one of the band guys comes and orders a drink from the bar (next to MK). I lean over and say, "Which one of you guys is Biff?" and he points to fez-hat. Ha! I bet MK that fez was bald under his hat and no sooner had I said it than the hat came off to reveal a bald head.

Biff came over and I said, "Hey Biff! You sent me an e-mail at my work about 8 years ago promoting this band. I always wanted to come and check you out, but never made it until tonight." He was astonished that I remembered the old e-mail. He remembered sending it too. We began to talk about our musical lives, and he asked if MK was a musician too, and I said that she plays a little guitar but is a big-time artist. He then asked her about her visual arts, and memorized her website address (to check her out later). The whole thing was SUPER fun and flirty.

The break was over and the band needed to play again. A couple of dorky and already pretty drunk (or possibly on X) boys came and sat (one on either side of us). The one on my side tried to smile at me with a cigarette in his mouth, and of course the lit cig fell, bouncing off the bar chair, and finally landing on the floor. He was kind of embarrassed about it. I turned to to tell MK about it just as he joined his friend next to her. That guy was wearing almost the same camo-jacket as MK. I told the boys, "One of the guys in the band is named Biff." The line seemed to be a good conversation starter. The camo-guy replied with, "My name is Cliff!" Except two seconds later someone called him Adam. Ha!

Adam and his cig-dropping friend hung around us for hours. Giggling, being goofy, spilling drinks, dropping cigs, and sharing some free popcorn. Adam kept telling MK that she had the best teeth, and best smile. It was weird. They were clearly hitting on us, but also clearly with two other young ladies. In fact, cig-dropper tried to say one of the ladies was Adam's twin sister. Except the two of them went to the dance floor and grinded whilst dancing. Hmmmm....

I spotted two older folks dancing very sexily (like snakes) and close to each other, and staring deep into each others' eyes while smirking. I told MK that they were clearly going to "do it" later on. We couldn't stop laughing.

The Adam-clan asked us if we were going to leave with them. We both laughed in their faces. Earlier, MK said they looked like they were 12 years old, and out of nowhere cig-dropper proclaimed that it ruled that he is almost 30 but still looks like he's 12. Ha!

It was the end of the band playing and I went to the ladies room. The lead singer joined me. I asked her if Biff was single (as I knew that MK was a little interested) and she told me that he's the greatest guy ever, but not even a little single. Aww.... We talked shop a little, and I was glad to meet someone with such excellent showmanship.

When I walked back over to MK, she was holding my coat and obviously ready to go quickly. I don't even need to ask such things, I just take the cue. As we were walking out the door we saw the nicest looking, probably most sober guys we saw all night. One said "hi there!" to me as we walked out the door. If circumstances were different we would have stayed and talked to those guys.

The reason we had to haul ass out of there was because Adam had fallen to the floor and tried to pull MK down on top of him. Then, his girlfriend (twin sister?) climbed on top of her to try and break it up. It was just getting too weird, almost obsessive. Too much weirdness = time to split!

I've left out so many other funny details, but needless to say, I love hanging out with MK and it was clearly a night that we'll remember.

Gettin' Bigger All the Time!

My little niece Esse Jo is getting so big! Every time I see my friends' babies recently I have been simply amazed by how fast they grow! They get so big so fast.


Oh yeah, and I still want one. =)


Did I mention my free babysitting services? For Esse, and Sylvie, and Spencer?????? Call me!

Just Say No!

This issue is not even CLOSE to the same thing as Roe V. Wade!
http://www.cnn.com/2006/LAW/03/08/fatherhood.suit.ap/index.html


Some men are apparently up in arms about finding a way to terminate their paternal rights (read: not have to pay child support). Excuse me? Men's groups, I'd like to introduce you to human biology; only women can get pregnant, and typically only as the result of a man having sex with her. If you don't want to accept the consequences of possibly having a child, then don't sleep around with people you don't know well enough to raise a child with, use protection (better yet, get sterilized), or just don't have sex!


One of the poorest classes of people in this county is single mothers (and their children). "Poverty rates are highest for families headed by single women, particularly if they are black or Hispanic. In 2004, 28.4 percent of households headed by single women were poor." http://www.npc.umich.edu/poverty/#4


It's hard enough to get some men to pay child support, having a law that exempts them would only make it worse for their children. How many men wouldn't opt out if they could?


About 10 years ago, a woman that worked for me had a brother that lived in Chicago. He had 5 or 6 kids (at that time) ALL by DIFFERENT women. He paid no support to any of them. Someone else mentioned to me the other day a guy who has 59 children. Holy crap!


Part of being an adult is being responsible for consequences of one's actions. One of the possible (intended or unintended) results of sex is pregnancy and childbirth. Men can run away, but women are left holding the bag.


DO NOT support any version of this kind of law. The whole idea makes me want to puke.

Anonymous Love

My neighbors rule and they mean the world to me! As I was getting home from my birthday festivities, and just sort of deciding that I wouldn't shovel the accumulation of our mini-blizzard, I was stunned to see that one of my neighbors had snow-blown my ENTIRE driveway and sidewalk. Yay! One of the best birthday presents. Except it was anonymous, so I have no idea who to thank.

One of my out-of-state friends sent me balloons and some lucky bamboo to work (and showed some amazing investigative skills in tracking down my office I might add, T you are such a detective!) and I got cards and e-mails and phone calls all day too. A friend took me out to lunch, and some other friends met for dinner. I got to watch my dad interact with some small children (and it was hilarious!) and he'll be a good g-pa someday. And lastly, one pal showed up to my place for dessert (and more gifts, yay!). Really, it turned out to be a great day. I don't even feel old or anything!

Apparently my cousin broke his cell phone while snowboarding last week. I'm sure that's why he hasn't called.... Is that the kind of activity you leave your phone in your pocket for?

And a super-mega-congrats to J.G. on the FABULOUS new job. I admit I'm a little jealous (2%) but I am 98% fucking thrilled for you!!!!!!

Happy St. Patty's Day to all my Irish brothers and sisters (even the black Irish...) out there! Represent, yo. I need that luck-o-the Irish for an important "meeting" this afternoon.

Deep Sea 3-D

You MUST go to the IMAX and see Deep Sea 3-D. It was one of the coolest things I have ever seen!

I think I smiled throughout almost the whole movie (like a little kid). I was so entranced that I forgot that it was narrated by Johnny Depp. And I love Johnny Depp!

I really WANTED to reach out and try to touch the jellyfish and other creatures that I was quite sure were hitting me in the face, but I resisted.

I was also quite pleased that the end of the film brought a light (not heavy) handed message of conservation. People need to hear that message.

It was well worth a trip to the theatre.

www.postsecret.com

Funny, I was just saying something like this.... Although I'm only scared in bad weather. When it's nice out I love to drive.

Every week new secrets are shared at www.postsecret.blogspot.com

Tornado Alley

No matter where I drive alone across this country, it seems that on my way home there are almost always freaking tornadoes.

Now I have had some family members live through terrifying tornadoes on their farms, and I've heard all kinds of horror stories. I've also seen enough scary tornado movies to last a lifetime. But honestly, tornadoes freak my shit out!

Last night I was driving home from Urinetown rehearsal around 10:00 PM, and what should have been a 45 minute to an hour drive took me more like 75 minutes. It was raining something fierce and I could barely see.

The lightning was actually making things worse because it was so frequent it was having almost a strobe effect, and then it would go pitch black afterwards.

The water was accumulating (there was depth to it) on the interstate. Even though the speed limit is 65, I think I was averaging between 50-60. I even hydroplaned for a second! Not cool....

I found a semi to follow and I stayed behind it for about 50 miles. People were passing me, but I don't know how they were staying on the road even. It was so wet, and so windy. I could barely even see the road at times (which is why I was so happy to follow that semi).

I finally turned the radio on to have something else to concentrate on, besides the red tail lights of the truck, only to learn that there were SEVERE tornado warnings in the county I was in until 4:00 AM. WHY?????

One time my mom and I were driving home from Grandma's house (about 3 hours away) in a terrible rain storm and the fuse (or whatever) that makes the windshield wipers go STOPPED WORKING. Luckily, we were passing through a small town at the time, and there was a mechanic's place like 40 feet away (where they fixed it). But last night on the interstate I kept thinking, "What if that were to happen to me now? On the interstate, late on a Sunday night, and when I'm alone?"

I've driven alone across the WHOLE state of Iowa in tornadoes, from St. Louis to Chicago in tornadoes, and more... Why can't they just leave me alone? I don't want to be a fearful driver, but I kind of am.

And I feel bad for being whiney about it, since across tornado alley people probably died and were certainly injured last night, as I saw some major tornado damage on the national news this morning.

Birthday Blues

I have absolutely NO plans for my birthday right now. None. And it's in nine days. Maybe that's what I want, solitude. I'm not really in the mood to celebrate it. Due to the timing it seems like no one can ever make it if I throw a party (it's on spring break every year).

Maybe I'll finally have a house warming party next month and combine it with birthday celebration. Am I allowed to do that?

Urinetown

You just can't make this kind of thing up....

I begin rehearsals this week for a little musical called "Urinetown." Yes, urine, as in "piss." Good times, I'm sure. The good news is that it's a paying gig!

For more info: http://www.urinetown.com/flash/index.html

See you in the movies! ;)

Why are you still single?

"Why are you still single?"

Ooh, I know why! According to http://www.eharmony.com/ and their personality profile that pigeonholes you into a category and then decides who you can date based on that, there are NO, as in ZERO, matches for me in the ENTIRE United States. Well duh, so that's obviously why I'm still single!

But here are some other thoughts, for you the reader, to ponder:


Why are you still single?
By Jerusha Stewart


You know you're a catch... so why are you flying solo? These silent love saboteurs may be to blame-here's how to get past them.

So you really and truly want to be in a relationship but find yourself singing solo in the shower? Do you know you're a great catch but can't figure out why you're not paired up like most of your pals? Unwittingly, you could be engaging in a little self-sabotage when it comes to finding your special someone. With a little digging you can uncover the silent saboteurs preventing you from achieving "I'm taken" status-and learn how to overcome them.

Silent saboteur #1: You're ignoring your relationship needs

Often people with a lot on their plate will say that they're open to a relationship and are willing to make room for one. But in reality they're not. Some tell-tale signs: Every time your co-workers or friends extend an invitation to join them for a little after-work socializing, some unfinished project on your desk convinces you to say, "Not tonight, but once my workload lightens up" (as in, never). Or, you find yourself saying things like "I'll start really looking for someone once I get my promotion/graduate degree/finances in order" (which, alas, may not be any time soon).

Solution: Put yourself first. Have an honest chat with yourself: Do you really want a romantic relationship in your life right now? If the answer is yes, make at least one step toward carving out some space for it, whether that's signing up for online dating, telling all your friends and family you're open to a set-up, or establishing a once-a-week night out with your single friends. And don't let a few bad dates drive you back to your workaholic ways-once you have a good one and see what you've been missing, you'll understand what all the hubbub is about.

Silent saboteur #2: You're too quick to decide whether you're interested

In today's fast-paced culture, it seems natural to decide whether someone's right for you in, oh, about three seconds. Alanna Rayford of San Francisco often cuts flattering male attention short. "In the first five seconds I know whether or not I'm going to continue to have a conversation," she confesses. But think about it: Most of us aren't great at making a killer first impression. "It sure could explain why I haven't had a date in a year," Alanna continues. "I don't give men a chance to show me who they are. A little patience would probably help."

Solution: Avoid making snap judgments. If you find yourself making snap judgments like Alanna, adopt these two new rules to end your dating drought. Rule one: Promise yourself to withhold any dateability decisions about someone until after a cup of coffee (the whole thing, not the first two sips). You should be able to talk to anyone for as long it takes to drink a latte. Rule two: Adopt a second-date rule. If you like the person, even just a little bit, make plans to see them again. At that point, you two should both be more relaxed and ready to reveal your true selves.

Silent saboteur #3: You've got options but none are "good enough"

We're not saying you shouldn't have standards. But see what your friends (especially the single ones) think of your prospects. If none of them get why you didn't follow up with that person you thought was, oh, an inch too short (or too tall), or a freak because he wore a bolo tie, then you could be guilty of having too many must-have traits on your list.

Solution: Re-evaluate what's really important. We all have our best-case scenario in terms of height, weight, hair color, and so forth in a partner. But how many relationships do you know where two people in a couple fit that wish list to a tee? None or not many, most likely-which is all the more reason why should you probably take a closer look at the qualities you deem ideal, or deal-breakers, on a date. A solid relationship is more often based on shared values and common interests-so make sure you keep those things in mind on your next date rather than obsessing about his too-short trousers.

Silent saboteur #4: You're not entirely over your ex

You and your ex are history... so what's up with the long, warm-and-fuzzy phone conversations to "check in" with each other? Sure it seems harmless. But if you find yourself comparing every new potential love interest to this former flame (or if you conveniently "forget" to tell your ex about the people you're dating), then it could mean you're still harboring some feelings for the one who got away, which makes it difficult to really focus on someone new.

Solution: Give yourself permission to meet someone new. You could be holding on to your past because you haven't been building your post-breakup support network-a mix of friends and family members you can comfortably dial for no reason at all. Weaning yourself off your ex can be hard, but it largely comes down to re-directing those impulse calls. The next time you're tempted to call your ex to vent about something awful that happened at work or just something funny that happened you're dying to share, resist the urge and call someone else, like your mom. Over time, you'll stop thinking about your ex so much, leaving you more open to meeting your next one-and-only.

Silent saboteur #5: Your attitude leaves a bad taste in the hearts and minds of others

When you're out on a date, do you find the conversation generally veering toward your dimwit boss, dysfunctional relatives, dating horror stories, or some other "poor me" tale? You may think these stories are funny (and they very well may be), but after a while, anyone listening is going to wonder: "Why would I want to join this pity party?" and steer clear.

Solution: Get an attitude adjustment. Hey, we've all got problems. And while the blues are fine in stereo, very few people want a personal serenade. Putting your best foot forward all wrapped up in positive packaging makes you a much more attractive companion. Just because someone's agreed to spend time with you doesn't mean they've agreed to spend it as your therapist, so accept the dating process for what it is: A chance to get to know someone better, not vent. Stick to more positive stories and see if you don't find yourself in a more positive place, dating-wise.

Jerusha Stewart, a.k.a. The Last Single Girl in the World, reveals how to be singularly sensational in her book The Single Girl's Manifesta.

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Article courtesy of Happen magazine, www.happenmag.com

Mild Case of Road Rage

I know I need to "enhance my calm" or some junk like that but DUDE the crappy drivers CAUSING the traffic jam really give me a case of road rage!

I was on my way home from dinner last night and I took the highway. It's three lanes wide on each side. A month or so ago a semi hit an overpass bridge (I have no idea how....) and they keep doing repairs on it little by little. They try to do it at lower volumes times (like after 9 PM...)

So anyway, I had JUST passed the last exit before this road-work when I saw signs indicating that all the lanes needed to merge right, because the left TWO lanes were closed ahead. I immediately merged.

But apparently I'm a suckah. All these other cars, whose drivers are clearly smarter than I, stayed in the left lanes until the bitter end. THAT'S WHAT CAUSES THE LINE YOU ASSHOLES!

I crept out of the line and blocked one of the two left lanes with my car, but those special-smarter-more important drivers kept on passing me (and the whole 2 mile long rest of the line) on the left.

Because I have road rage I honked my horn, flipped off and swore at every one of them.

I'm better today..... Breathing deeply again.

Murderball

Watch it, love it, learn about the world wheelchair games! This movie totally rocks and is quite inspirational.

http://www.murderballmovie.com/players.html the movie

http://www.murderball.quadrugby.com/faqs.html FAQs

http://www.tributetopeace.com/indexeng.php World Wheelchair Games